Hello beloved family!
How are you doing?
It is always a privilege and great delight to write a new post. I must say, the feedback has been amazing. I am using this opportunity to say a big thank you to everyone including those who read my blog posts, share the links, comment and contact me. God bless you ALL. We certainly can do MORE. Without further ado, let’s move to the next issue in this Love series.
Most times we anticipate the arrival of our “le boo” so much that we haven’t taken time to do our homework neither have we understood ourselves enough before hooking up with someone else . It is for these reasons that we are going back to the very beginning… Things to know and do before you mingle or hook up with anyone… camera rolling, are you ready??? 1…2…3… ACTION!
Let me start by saying, we need to get this, no one, I mean NO ONE is able to complete you except God. Being in a relationship doesn’t complete a person or erase loneliness. So, if your reason for desiring a relationship is to “run away from loneliness or an attempt to look for someone to complete you”, omo mehn, you are on your own o. If you have this kind of attitude, you are going to suck the living day light out of your partner. While some of us have terrible esteem issues, others have character flaws. We don’t like our physique or like our makeup, we have wrong ideals about relationship and life generally etc. If we do not address these issues before saying “YES” or asking someone out, we are in trouble already. I will shed light on some of the things we must deal with and questions we must answer before beginning the romantic cruise with our “le boo”.
1. Know and be connected to your source
2. Know, understand and love yourself
3. Know what you want and what you can/cannot live with, thus know and write your core values
HAVE YOU MET YOU?
It’s amazing how we do not know who we are, yet we want to understand and be part of someone else’s life. *I laugh in Spanish*. This is really hilarious. You need to KNOW yourself, LIKE yourself and always BE yourself.
Let’s do this together. Answer the following questions:
How well do you know yourself?
What are your temperaments? (I know we have the Holy Spirit and He is able to transform us till we become like Him regardless of our current temperaments but let me tell you that I believe our personality differs. No wonder we have certain ministers that will jump, shout, hop etc while preaching whereas some will stay on one spot, yet bless lives. Some people are introverts while others are extroverts. So you see we have Holy Spirit to help us sharpen our temperaments to become better than we once were, but this doesn’t mean we should not know or understand our makeup).
There are some things you cannot stand or live with. There are some things you love and almost cannot do without. You need to know yourself before you enter a relationship. It is very important. Let me share a personal story with you to buttress this point.
During my healing process after a very painful relationship experience (don’t worry, it’s story for another day), I was listening to a message by Pastor Poju Oyemade on Relationships, he said something so profound that changed my life forever,
“This relationship matter is not as hard as many people take it. You think it’s God that has all the work to do? You have your part to play. Do you know yourself well enough? Do you know your core values and have you written them down? Do you know what you can live with and what you cannot live with? Don’t just cry to God! Do your part!” (paraphrased)
Those words changed the course of my destiny. Over the years, I thought I knew myself. That painful relationship revealed some things about me to me while the message opened my eyes further. Thereafter, I took my pen and I wrote about myself, what I stand for, my core values and what I can/cannot live with. Months later my fiancé asked me out and despite the fears, I was able to pray and go back to my ABOUT ME note to check and see if there is an alignment in our core values (well that was easy to do because we had been friends for years). It was easy to pray and hear God because I had done my assignment- I KNEW MYSELF well enough to go into the relationship.
So I give you the same assignment today, kindly find a quiet spot for yourself, ask yourselves the above questions. Be sincere; do not write to suit anyone. You may write it down in a beautiful book or even you could print it out.
ABOUT ME- what you love, what you cannot/can live with, your core values as regards, Finance, Family background, Professional/career compatibility, Trust/security, Spiritual beliefs(it is not enough that the person goes to church or is moral), Social compatibility, Sexuality, Intellectual compatibility, etc.
LOVE yourself… Let me ask you a question. Do you love your physique? Or do you wish you were taller, had more curves, smaller noise, and had more flesh, lol. My dear, you are perfectly and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14. If you do not love yourself, it is a sign of low self-esteem, insecurity and an inability to receive love when it is extended to you. It is very IMPORTANT you love yourself otherwise you will forever live on other people’s validation. Plus, it will help you say NO to anyone who wants you but does not like your look. Never date anyone who makes you feel inferior or bad about yourself. If peradventure you feel bad about yourself at times, then go to God.
BE Yourself… I love the way Michelle McKinney Hammond puts it in her book, “How To Make Love”, “trying to be anyone other than yourself is false advertising. Remember that you want another person to fall in love with you. The real you. Chameleons are lizards, not people.” What a perfect way to say it. You are not ready to love if you keep “forming” or pretending to be someone else. You probably have to deal with esteem issues or heal from past hurts that has made you someone else. You are unique just the way you are, there is someone out there who will do anything just to spend the rest of his/her life with you. Yes with that nose, size, figure etc. I am not saying do not develop yourself or go on diet if you need to but hey, do not do anything at the expense of yourself or because you want to be accepted. Who creates the standard? Who?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED
My brother in-law (Paul Adeyinka) said something days ago, “every guy has an idea of what they want but not all knows exactly what they need. So many a times, the person(s) they date during the process of knowing what they need might just be an illusion and the relationship might not last. So I recommend guys should hold on with dating till they know exactly what they want/need in order to avoid the pain they might cause for some ladies because until a guy knows and identify exactly what he needs in a woman, he won’t stop searching or be his best in such relationship.” I believe same goes to every lady out there. You can know what you want by knowing/having a relationship with God, know yourself and your core values then identify exactly what you want. I hope you do your ABOUT ME assignment, it will help you know what you need. If not, it is possible to hook up with what you need and loose it because you DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU NEED thus you cannot identify it.
To be continued!
Please kindly drop your comments, questions or experience. You can also reach me personally on email@example.com , IG: @talktoimisi