Hello dear friends, how have you been and how are you bracing up for Valentine *wink wink*. We are gradually coming to the end of these love series. We have heard a lot about love, relationship and marriage. However join me on this journey of unveiling myths and truths about love, relationship and marriage. I certainly cannot write all, in fact I have to shorten this post, you do not want to know how many pages I wrote, lol. Make sure you join us this evening on twitter, details at the end of the post. Moving on…
First things first, Love, relationship and marriage is meant to be fun, fulfilling and aimed towards a purpose. It is not meant to be managed but lived and it is meant to blossom. It is meant to be heaven on earth. Before you think I am talking fairytale, check the scripture, God called the idea of “marriage/love” GOOD. So without further ado, let me start with the MYTHS:
It is extremely false to think relationship completes a person, it doesn’t. It is God that completes one. When you know yourself, have God, identify your purpose, and walk in it, then you will enjoy a level of satisfaction and fulfillment that no one can give you.
Secondly, it is sooo not true that two good friends lose their closeness when they start to date. By all means, marry your friend, there’s nothing better than that, trust me.
Thirdly, the idea that there cannot be a relationship without “drama” is certainly false. There is a thin line between challenges and “drama”. Challenges make couples stronger while drama is simply unnecessary and it can tear couples apart.
It is false to think you can change a person or a person’s core values. Every being has his or her own belief system and this belief system gravitates into value and Vices. This belief system emanates from culture, background, upbringing and most of all, experience. The Values of a Pastor’s son who was raised to believe in God, righteousness and uprightness would differ from the Son of a divorced couple.
So also in relationships, people differ in their belief system. This is why it is key to always ask logical questions amidst the raging of emotions. Sometimes, your lifestyle could influence another to change his belief system or values but you cannot mandate anyone to change their values. Whatever noble character you love to see, if it is not visible in your relationship, it may not be visible in marriage. Bottom line is, as much as we are a change agent, we cannot make others into what we want them to be.
The phrase “Relationships cannot work without sexual intimacy “is so far from true. Sexual intercourse is a NO NO before marriage. (This is a post on its own, in fact my next post)
TRUTHS
It is best one marries his/her friend. Many people say, “I can’t marry him/her because we are too close or we are good friends”. When I hear this statement I am confused because, i am like “who else are you supposed to marry? Your enemy?” Do not get it twisted, after GOD the next most important pillar in marriage is FRIENDSHIP, if these two are missing, then you have NOTHING. Always remember that things do not have to get bad or awkward when you date your friend.
The values of two people who intend to get married must align, it is not negotiable. I am not saying wishful thinking or unrealistic expectations but VALUES that makes you “YOU”. If it doesn’t align then you might have to slow down or invariably part ways. That is why when you meet someone you are interested in, get to know their core values early enough so you avoid being hurt or heartbroken afterwards. Relationship/marriage is for two individuals who know their identity and purpose in life.
There is no relationship or marriage without Vulnerability. If you are not ready to lose yourself you are not ready to love. Marriage is about being open. You cannot box yourself in and love at the same time (you have to drop your secretive nature).
It is very possible to have a blissful relationship that can be called, “heaven on earth”. But these comes with sacrifices, decisions to eliminate DRAMA (unnecessary attitude, anger, over flogging issues, inability to say sorry, pride, selfishness and a “ME-ME” syndrome). I am a living witness but ehn, na sacrifice and work but it is super possible.
Become the kind of partner you want to attract. A lot of people want a God fearing, nice, selfless partner etc. The question is do you have what it takes to keep such a partner. Remember this popular saying, can you DATE you?
It is best to make the choice of who you want to marry based on Convictions and not just emotions. It takes two convinced people to make a relationship work. Can two work together except they agree?
Hurting people hurt people… So let God heal you. Also, Healing is a process, so do not rush it. God does not cover up wounds, He heals wounds.
You cannot desire God’s will or direction and also want to have your way .Most people eliminate the “God Factor” and “Test the Waters” which is also known as trial and error. If you want to do the “let’s date and see what happens” then date all the way, but be rest assured that uncertainty, hurt and pain may be inevitable but if you want to Trust the Lord with all your heart without leaning on your own understanding, (Proverbs 3:5) then trust the Lord all the way. Though this path may be unconventional, long, painful a times, you are rest assured of a glorious end. I strongly believe the wisest man on Earth (Solomon) knew what he was saying when he said that (Proverbs3:5).
If you do not have an active relationship with God where you hear Him in the small and minute things, trust me, you won’t hear him in the big things. This is not because He isn’t speaking but because you haven’t exercised your ears in listening to him.
According to late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, courtship is for INTERVIEW and not INTERCOURSE. Never put the cart before the horse.
It is very possible to be chaste in one’s relationship and also possible not to kiss; I know it is not easy but with discipline, coupled with the Grace of God, we CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST (Philippians 4:13)
Above all PRAY! PRAY!! PRAY!!!
If you have enjoyed these love series thus far, then join me today, 13th February 2014 by 7pm on twitter. Please follow me on @imisisulaiman #LoveChronicles … Do not forget that you can also reach me personally on talktoimisi@gmail.com
Love y’all