I woke up this morning with a thought that has stayed with me for soooo long, almost all through 2013. Is it just me or am I just being archaic in my beliefs? Why do people hurt themselves all in the name of relationship? How many ladies does a guy have to get “to know” or get “close to” before he finds the ONE he wants to propose to/marry? Why do most ladies have the “is he the ONE”question pop up in their heads any time a guy behaves all nice and friendly towards them? What has happened to being led by GOD in order to avoid guessing games in living our lives? Why is it almost impossible for a guy and a lady to be friends without strings attached? …
In this post and the ones to come later this week, I will be looking at the dynamics of friendship especially with the opposite sex. So get ready for this ride.
First, I need to state that it is very possible to have a good friend that is of the opposite sex however, certain things must be made plain, like defining the relationship, goes a long way. For instance, I have a number of close male friends but our relationship is well defined. This has been the case for me long before I started courting my fiance, so right now I am not having issues putting any guy in his place neither is my fiance having to struggle with any of my “male friends” in order to be my fiance and best friend. So defining ones relationship/ setting boundaries is essential at all times even when married. This is because, this our emotions ehn are very POWERFUL and can lead to something else…
Ladies we must learn how to guard our hearts and emotions knowing fully well that we are moved by what we hear. Not every guy we meet is, “date-able” neither should we be overly preoccupied with thought of relationship so much so that the first thing that comes to mind when we meet a new guy is the question, “is he the one???” I know some of us are well advance in age and can like to settle down like yesterday, but we don’t need to get anxious or be totally consumed by this thought because we unconsciously become vulnerable and heart break becomes inevitable. This mindset makes us look disadvantaged. You can’t enjoy good friendship with the opposite sex if all you are looking out for is, dating or marriage signs . What happens to having friends, business partners, connectors etc?
So when we meet a guy no matter how excited we are, tell yourself, especially if you are advance in age, he might be the ONE or just a friend. Don’t get ahead of yourself because, SOME of the guys today don’t even know what they want, they probably just like the YOU they see from afar and once they come close they lose enthusiasm and disappear( please note I said SOME and not all guys). So you need to guard your heart/life, nevertheless, remain as nice and accessible as possible but don’t let just anyone get to the chambers of your heart at will and leave whenever they like. Please take note.
This brings me to my next point, Men! Men!! Men!!! How many times did I call you? *lol* if you notice I said men and not boys. there is a big difference (sizzling gist for another time). I know you guys love the feel of going after a “new catch” but please watch it, so you do not jump here and there the rest of your life. Friendship is a process, and most times it is how you play the music that determines how we ladies dance to the music. Do not start what you cannot keep up with, even if you are so certain that she is who you want to marry based on either divine direction(which many neglect this day) or your discretion, there is wisdom in “taking it slow and getting to know” (words of late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya). Yes I know you were excited and you were caught up in spiritual ecstasy when God told you she is your wife, however in all your getting to know, do not over rush things even if you are advance in age, so you do not rush out.
The same way you cant know all about a book in its first page is the same way you cant know all about a woman on your first date. I understand that when guys see what they like , their Go-getter instinct propels them to swing into full pursuance. This in its self isnt bad but, because alot of factors are still uncertain, its saves both party undue emotional heart ache if guys gradually peel the onions. TAKE IT SLOW ooo.
When you begin to form, “Mr Nice guy and you are always there for her or asking so much questions especially personal/sensitive questions so fast” you are unconsciously sending a signal of “maybe this guy likes me” to the lady. She begins to respond on that tempo too, she starts to get use to your frequent calls, text,chats et al and once you suddenly pull back, voila!!!!!!! you have done the irredeemable. If she is really strong and matured she won’t vex for too long, if she isn’t emotionally strong, omo you have dashed a lady’s hope or even broken her heart, yes you have. I know you are like, “haba, Imisi fear God na, that was not my intention or what I did” but in a woman’s language yes, you are so guilty.
Ladies and gentlemen, please don’t rush things, there is a thin line between, “getting to know you and sampling (a game of maybe this one will work or not)”. Get to know one another without creating unnecessary romantic atmosphere. I use a lot of, “my darling, dearie, hun, sweerie, I love you” when talking especially to ladies, I say it only to guys who are really close to me or when I need to say it or appreciate someone but I am very careful when using those words because, in as much as I wish we could grow to using and saying these words freely without people thinking otherwise, the REALITY is that a number of people take these words really close to heart. They read meaning to it and it sends signal to them even if it is false. Unfortunately the ladies are often victims because some guys are really good at depositing these words freely at the doorstep of their heart. So I meet a guy and the next thing is, “hey baby are you okay, lemme know when you get home sweets, I love you”, my brother, please restrain from using these words any how especially when you do not really know the lady or your friendship has K leg (friendship undefined). You are not even advice to say, “I love you but God loves you more. O’ Boy, that format does not work again o, na to edit the God part, lol.
It is not that it is totally bad but calling a lady/a guy you are just getting to know pet names just like that is not safe especially when you are not even sure where the friendship will lead to. It has put a lot of guys in trouble and made a lot of ladies heart broken, when they realize the guy/lady has nothing but “friendship” for them. Trust me I have seen/heard how these “seemingly” harmless words could be misconstrued thus, damaging friendships/emotions.
So what do we do? Are we saying guys shouldn’t approach us ladies or they should be less caring or less gentleman-ly??? Or do we ladies now reduce being accessible or ignore tZhe sweet, tender advances of guys that treat us like queen???
To be continued…
Look out for the DO NOT’s for singles and married folks.
Kindly drop your comments, questions or suggestions. Also remember that you can talk to me personally on talktoimisi@gmail.com
#iCare